15 Resources That Will Strengthen Your Marriage | Happy Anniversary to Us :)

Today is a big day …. huge. The Chef and I have been married for 15 years today! I decided to put together a collage of us through the years:

Pre-kids, I loved to scrapbook. Now I don’t have the time so that was fun!

I’m entering a time in my life where I’m in complete denial about the age I’m getting to be … so humor me here, but I may be going through early dementia or something because look at us! There’s no way I could have been more than 15 in these wedding pictures!! 

Seriously, though, sometimes it is so hard to believe that much time has passed since we said, “I do.” In 15 years, we have experienced:

• 10 homes (including apartments)
• 19 vehicles
• 6 churches
• 4 pets
• Growing our family by 2 children
• Lots of smiles and laughter
• “Plenty” of grief and heartache
• Times of tremendous joy
• Times of tremendous stress
• Spiritual ups and downs

… And the list could go on and on!

I’ll spare you the endless details, but one thing I can tell you from 15 years of marriage is that it is most definitely not always easy.

Especially after starting a family.

Which is why we’re so glad we waited a while. Not everyone wants to wait, but we wouldn’t trade the time we had together, just us, for those years for anything.

All of the ladies know that we spend much of our time growing up, some more than others, thinking about our “perfect prince” and dreaming of the wedding day.

I can remember hearing someone say once that more marriages would survive if couples spent more time and energy planning and preparing for the marriage during their engagement than they did the wedding. I think there’s a lot of truth to that.

I think more time could be spent in pre-marital counseling and discussion on expectations. It’s so important before starting a life together to understand what each other’s expectations are and find a compromise you “can live with” where there are major differences.

It would help tremendously as well to go into marriage with an understanding that you both are going to be changing in lots of ways as you go through life and some of those changes can involve expectations. Things really change … in fact, everything changes after starting a family. And those things you knew you would never ever do, you suddenly realize that you really. need. to do for whatever the reason when the realities of parenting hit.

One thing that has helped us through these 15 years has been some great books we’ve read, some together, some not.

15 resources that will strengthen your marriage

(Or if you know any engaged or newlywed couples, any of these would make a great gift, too.)

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1. The Bible

Did I really have to start with that one, you may ask? Yes! I absolutely did.

Because there are lots and lots of Bible verses that are applicable to marriage, and not necessarily the ones that are so obviously about marriage.

For example, any couple that has been married for any length of time will tell you how crucial good communication is for a strong marriage.

And this Bible verse could not be better advice for a husband and wife in their communication practices:

Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry. (James 1:19)

Need I say more?

If you don’t have a Bible, you can order one from Amazon or visit a local Christian bookstore if you’d like to check out different translations in person.

2. The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts

This was one of the best books we’ve read together, pretty early on in our marriage, because it teaches the importance of learning how to communicate love to each other in a way that “speaks love” to each other. Everyone gives and receives love in a certain way, and most likely, your love language is not the same as your spouse’s!

3. Love Languages Assessment

If you prefer a book format and to read about each of the love languages, definitely get a copy of the book. But there is an online assessment you can take that will help you each identify your love language.

4. Power of a Praying Wife

There is no substitute for the power of prayer in any situation or challenge in life. This book helps one focus first on self before your spouse, realizing that change in the relationship has to start with you first.

I have not read the one for husbands, but my guess would be the author applies that same principle to that version of the book as well. It is formatted in such a way that allows you, if you’d like, to pray each day for your marriage, focused on a different topic. One thing I loved about the book is the emphasis on scripture and the sample prayer included that “prays scripturally”.

It was a great help to me in my personal walk with God to begin to learn how and to practice doing this, something I had heard other believers talk about but I had never really felt like I knew “how” to do it myself.

5. Power of a Praying Husband

6. Any of Dr. Kevin Leman’s books

I have not read any of Dr. Leman’s books but he came and spoke at a marriage workshop at my church recently, and I would consider any of his books if I were looking for good material to read on marriage. Here are a couple you may want to consider:

7. His Needs, Her Needs

This book was recommended by the couple who led our college ministry at the church we attended during college and where we were married. It was a great book that we also read early on in our marriage. Just like with love languages, men and women have differences in what is needed from a marriage relationship. We were created very different not just physically, but also emotionally. If you want a strong marriage, you have to be open to a better understanding of those differences and how to apply that knowledge to how you approach the marriage.

8. Wild at Heart

This may seem redundant in some ways to the His Needs, Her Needs book, but it’s really not! It’s a bit of a different approach to understanding men and how they were created by God. John and I both read this one, though separately. It was very helpful, probably more for me, in better understanding and appreciating the creation of man “in the image of God.” I would encourage you to check out the book description for a better summary. Also, if you have boys, it can be helpful as a parent, especially if you grew up without brothers like I did.

9. Captivating

This is the “mirror book” to the Wild at Heart book, but for women. Again, John and I read it separately and found it helpful in many ways. I would say I was probably more in need of understanding him than he was me … or at least in the day to day application of what these books teach. He has always been very good about making me feel beautiful and “captivating”, even on the days I really don’t feel it at all. I did love the picture of woman being created in the “image of God” in this book because we don’t always think of God’s “softer, gentler” side. But He does have those characteristics and the creation of woman was the perfect reflection of that “side” of God.

It can be challenging to think of God as gentle or meek, as the Bible teaches, because we usually think of God as almighty and strong first. What most helped me in this was the explanation by teachers I’ve learned from who explained the original language and meaning of the word translated “gentle” or “meek” in the Bible, and the deeper meaning of those words is best described as “strength under control.”

I would also highly recommend this book especially to Daddies with daughters. Its information is applicable to this relationship as well as the husband-wife relationship.

10. Fireproof Movie

This movie was produced by the same people who produced Facing the Giants. They’ve also produced a movie titled Courageous, probably my favorite of the four they have released so far, with Flywheel being the first. I enjoyed all of them. Fireproof was focused on the story of a marriage falling apart that ultimately was saved and, in the end, strengthened. I love watching movies that not only entertain but also challenge you to be a better person, and with this one, a better spouse. “Fireproof” your marriage!

11. The Love Dare

I have not read this book but it is used in the Fireproof movie and is instrumental in the saving of the marriage in the movie. If your marriage is in trouble, this book will help you learn to “fall in love” all over again with your spouse. I put “fall in love” in quotes because, as you will see from the movie if you watch it, love is less about “falling”, as our society has deceived us into believing, and so much more about doing.

12. Marriage Retreat

John has mentioned recently that he would like for us to attend a weekend marriage retreat some day … which is something every marriage would benefit from! He’s heard ads for A Weekend to Remember on Christian radio, which is done by Family Life Today. For the last one, they offered BOGO tickets, so there’s always a chance they would offer that deal again in the future.

13. Date Night

Regular date nights are also important for getting alone time especially once you have children. For those living on a tighter budget, it does not have to be anything extravagant. We don’t have family close by so if we are going out of the house we have to pay a babysitter, or you can work out a trade-off with another couple. But you also could have dinner and a movie right at home after your kids are in bed. Whatever your situation, find ways to make date nights happen regularly, even if every couple of weeks as opposed to weekly.

14. Devotional

If you and your spouse are both growing Christians, having a devotional time together can only strengthen your marriage. There are devotionals focused on issues couples face, such as any of these (I have not personally used these so am not making an endorsement … be sure you check them out yourself and always check anything you read against the Bible!):

15. Personality Assessment

Just like with the love languages and understanding each other’s needs and how we differ emotionally, we all have different personalities. It can only help any relationship to have a better understanding of the other person’s personality, as well as your own. It will help you appreciate your strengths and use them to the advantage of the relationship and to know where your areas of weakness are. There are a number of different assessments you can take and I found a list of 10 here: Top 10 Personality Tests on the Internet. The one I am most familiar with is the Myers-Briggs but certainly the others look interesting as well.

Where to Begin?

A list like this can seem a little overwhelming! But if you want to build a love that stands the test of time and the storms of life, it does take work. Obviously, 15 years does not necessarily make us experts, and our marriage is nowhere near perfect. But if you do want to strengthen your marriage, no matter where it is right now, pick something and just start there! If your marriage is really struggling, I would suggest The Power of a Praying …. (Wife or Husband) and The Love Dare.

Do You Have Any Marriage Advice?

If you have any words of wisdom to offer based on your experience in marriage, please share in the comments. It is always good to learn from the experiences of others! We may not all approach things in the same way but there could be a lesson from anyone’s struggle to be learned.