We exchanged words for a while, but at the end of the day, I had nothing left to offer him but soiled rags, words of remorse that he couldn’t rely on, and promises where all trust was gone. My eyes were swollen from crying; my heart was heavy with shame.

“Do you want to stay?” he asked. I didn’t know how to answer. All I wanted to do was stay with my family—to turn back the clock a year. Back to a time when being a wife and a mom was all that I knew and all that I wanted to be. But I was unworthy to be a wife, a mother, and a child of God. How could I stay in a place where I didn’t belong? How could I ever live on the surface again? How could I ever be trusted to love?

“I can’t,” I said. “I just can’t.” [Quote from Messy Beautiful Love, with permission from the author, Darlene Schacht]

Disclosure: As a part of the launch team for Messy Beautiful Love, I received an ebook copy as well as some free resources. However, all opinions are 100% mine. You can read our full disclosure policy here.

When John and I got married over 15 years ago, I remember people telling us the first year was the hardest. After our first year, I thought, we have it made if that year is supposed to be the hardest! As usual, apparently we don’t follow the “norm” in that area of life.

Our plans were to wait at least five years before starting a family, and we ended up enjoying over eight years together before we adopted our son and then over three and a half years later had our daughter. We would not trade those eight years now for anything. Looking at marriage then, versus the now six years after starting a family, let me tell you … for us, marriage was easy pre-kids versus now!

If you think about it that makes complete sense that it might work that way, since after you have kids all of a sudden your attention becomes more divided than it was before, not to mention the fact that as wonderful as parenting is, it is the most challenging thing you will ever do. And doing it with another human being with whom you do not always agree on every parenting issue that arises doesn’t always help either.

On top of adding children into the equation, every marriage will also experience any number of storms or other challenges that life likes to throw our way! How we handle these, individually and/or together as a couple, can have a drastic impact on our marriage.

So when I ask the question, “Could your marriage survive this?” I’m really not necessarily calling attention to one particular type of storm or challenge. There may be that one thing that you feel your marriage could not survive. John and I both feel this way about infidelity. I don’t think any of us can know for sure how we would react or handle something specific until we are put in that situation, and I pray that we never find ourselves there.

But I’ve been so encouraged by couples I have known who have survived this … as well as couples who’ve come through other things that at one time they may have wondered if they would make it through together. Take, for example, the death of a child. Or a major health crisis? Significant financial burdens and challenges.

Seriously … there are plenty of reasons that couples decide to call it quits. Marriage, like life, is cyclical with ups and downs. Sometimes I feel like the culture in which we live programs us to think that marriage is always supposed to look like the fairytales and end happily ever after …. just because that’s how it works.

The reality is that to have a happily ever after is never guaranteed and a good marriage takes work.

This can be seen right away in the story of a marriage that most would have written off as headed for divorce court, the marriage of author, Darlene Schacht, of Messy Beautiful Love, the book quoted at the beginning of this post. As a matter of fact, you get the sense that Darlene herself felt exactly that way when she found herself admitting to her husband that she’d had an affair.

I am excited to be a part of the launch team for this book written by Darlene, a fellow blogger, Sister in Christ and Co-Author along with Candace Cameron Bure of a New York Times best-selling book, Reshaping It All. Darlene’s newest book, Messy Beautiful Love, available September 16, 2014, is now available for pre-order.

When you pre-order the book, you also get a set of freebies, including some amazing resources.

I have only started reading the book myself, but just in the first 16 pages, I had tears streaming down my face. Yes, it is that good right from Page 1!

I believe this book will save marriages.

When you have someone like Darlene, who was terribly ashamed of what could have cost her everything she held dear but who is humble and willing to step out of her comfort zone and be vulnerable, sharing the deepest pain and secrets of her life, it’s exactly the type of thing God uses for good in a way that defies the world’s way of thinking.

This book is for anyone who is married or who plans to be married some day. We’ve got to change how we think about and approach marriage in our culture, and especially in the subculture of The Church. If every believer would walk in humility as God has called us to do and learn from and support each other as we live out our marriages day-to-day, we would see a drastic drop in the statistics of failed marriages.

Pre-order your copy here!

About the Author

Adopted at age 2, grew up in the Charlotte, NC area. Obtained Bachelor of Arts degree in Psychology from Appalachian State University. Loves being a Mom of two and taste-testing Chef John's culinary creations and sharing them with readers.

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